I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
