party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
