she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
