Sry I called you an 8
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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