Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
