guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize