I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
