when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
