I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
