It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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