Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
