another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
