The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After last night, I could never be a politician.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
