it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
FUCK WHALES
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