My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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