The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
