but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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