my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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