So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
