You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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