I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
