Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
