you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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