At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had to cum in my sink.
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