you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
