To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
