fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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