Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
