I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
