I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
