he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
