Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How's work?
Spinning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
