Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
