i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
