I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
