to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
