nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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