Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
