In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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