Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
