im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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