we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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