i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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