when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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