This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
