She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
