mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
