I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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