i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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