I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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