I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
