you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
