I wannas sexs uuuuu
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
