my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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