Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
