i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
