I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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