so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
