He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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