i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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