I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
