you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
